WHY LOSING WEIGHT CAN BE SCARY

I need to lose weight. I mean a significant amount of weight. I have hypothyroidism that was not diagnosed for 7 years. During that time, my weight skyrocketed. When my thyroid first started having problems I gained 50 pounds in a matter of months without changing my diet or exercise habits!

I finally found a doctor that correctly diagnosed me and put me on thyroid medication, but the damage was done. I have not lost any of the weight I gained, and it’s been 20 years.

I struggle with motivation. I’ve adapted to being overweight, and although part of me wants to lose weight, another part wants to stay in this comfort zone I’m in, and not change. Change can be scary even if it is a positive change.

The number one reason to lose weight is not because you don’t look good. It’s because you will not be healthy. Excess weight takes its toll over time, and leads to hypertension, diabetes, and heart disease.  You probably look fabulous even with extra weight, but are you healthy on the inside?

Even with knowing the health risks, some of us still lack willpower and motivation.

I researched motivators and stumbling blocks and put together a common sense way of looking at things. The deep down underlying reason for lack of motivation is fear. Here are some things I learned.

FIVE REASONS WHY IT IS SOMETIMES DIFFICULT TO LOSE WEIGHT AND WAYS TO COUNTER THEM

I. Being overweight becomes your identity. It’s the you you’ve become comfortable with, and who people perceive you to be. Losing weight can change your identity. That’s a scary proposition. Even if you don’t like your identity of being the overweight daughter, friend, mom or grandma, the thought of changing your identity is frightening.

Here’s an example. Imagine being an overweight young adult woman who has never gone on a date because of your weight. You lose down to your desired weight, and start getting noticed by men. Your identity has changed from being someone not noticed to being someone noticed. You may not have developed the social skills you need to embrace this new identity of being attractive to men, and turn back to your comfort zone and gain the weight back.

Counterproposal – Talk to your friends, family, or maybe even co-workers about how you feel about suddenly being looked at differently and treated differently. Learn the life skills and social skills you need to fully embrace your new life as the new you. Instead of fearing the change in your life, look on it as something positive and grab hold of it with all your might!

II. Being overweight is an excuse to hide from expectations other people have for you once you lose the weight. People expect different things from overweight people than they do thinner people. They don’t expect marathons or healthy eating. Because of stereotyping, they expect you to be slow moving. Once you adapt to these lower expectations, you can hide in them. You can hide from higher expectations. You become comfortable with the lower expectations.

Here’s an example. Imagine you have a small niece, and you are never asked to babysit because your niece’s mother is reluctant to leave the baby with you because you can’t get around quickly. Your weight has caused knee pain. Someone else always babysits. You don’t want to babysit anyway, so you are okay with this lower expectation of you. If you get thinner and can move better without knee pain, then your niece’s mother may call on you to babysit, which you don’t want to do. It’s easier to just stay overweight than be asked to babysit.

Counterproposal – Go ahead and set your own expectations for your life and activities when you lose weight. Don’t let others’ expectations of you define your life. Overweight or thin, our expectations of our life, hobbies and activities belong to us and no one else.

III. Being overweight is like wearing a disguise. You can hide yourself from the world. Sometimes women hide themselves behind weight because they don’t want to be rejected by others for their personality. If they get rejected because of their weight, they expect that rejection, and it hurts, but it doesn’t hurt as much as being rejected because someone just doesn’t like you. It gives you an excuse to shy away from relationships and friendships. You don’t want to lose weight because you have to shed this disguise.

Here’s an example. Imagine you decide to go to a conference for a hobby, like a writer’s conference or knitting conference. Everyone at the conference has a common interest in the hobby, but you are afraid to introduce yourself to people for fear they won’t like you. You are afraid they won’t like you because of your personality, so you use the excuse that they will not like you because you are overweight, and you just don’t try. You self-reject before you even get started. Being overweight gives you an excuse for not putting yourself out there.

Counterproposal – Take inventory of all of the good things about your personality, such as sense of humor or compassion and kindness. Decide for yourself that you are worth knowing. You then won’t need to hide behind the disguise of being overweight. You can shed the pounds without that overwhelming fear of rejection. If you do happen to get rejected, don’t let it ruin your whole life. Not everyone can be everyone’s friend, thin or overweight. Rejection is not always an indictment on your personal character. Sometimes, it’s just a result of different personalities.

IV. If you stay overweight you won’t have to give up the food and drinks that bring you comfort. It’s hard to look ahead and see a life without french fries or mac ‘n cheese or cookies. There are certain foods that make you feel happy. The fear is that if you have to give up these “happy” foods, then you won’t be happy anymore. It’s so much easier to just keep eating those things than change to foods that you ascribe negative feelings to. The question is “are you really happy now?”

Here’s an example. Imagine that you eat red velvet cake every time you get upset. That red velvet cake makes you feel happy when you eat it. The taste, the texture, every moist morsel makes you feel soooo good. You have years of memories of just how good you feel when you eat red velvet cake. You have this fear that if you lose weight, you will never get to have the food that makes you so happy.

Counterproposal – Once you begin to lose weight, use your “happy” food as a reward for a weight milestone. One piece of cake or a serving of french fries every once in while is not going to impact you that much. Using this “happy” food as a reward for doing something good instead of as a comfort when you’re upset will begin to change your mindset. Plus, if you allow yourself to acknowledge that you don’t have to completely give up your “happy” foods once you lose weight, you will not be afraid of missing out once you do lose weight.

Also, assess other healthier options of things to comfort you in times of being upset. This is a big, big change for the emotional eater, but it is not insurmountable. Do a little digging into what else could make you feel good besides red velvet cake or mashed potatoes or mac ‘n cheese. Comfort can come from non-food things if you look for them.

V. You can fade into the background if you are overweight. Because there are bullies everywhere, you might think that being overweight draws more attention to you than it does. But that’s not always true. Once you begin to lose weight, you are put in the uncomfortable spotlight. People will begin to notice you, and sometimes that’s not what you want. Staying overweight is a way to avoid the limelight. There’s that fear again. Don’t let this fear continue to control your life.

Here’s an example. Imagine that you work in a large office with dozens of people. You see these people every day. They say hello, but don’t really make any effort to seek you out or sit with you at lunch. Some of those people may not even know your name. They just know they see you around the office. You are comfortable with this because you don’t like to be the center of attention. Now, imagine you begin losing weight. Whether you like it or not, people believe they have the right to comment on it. People you’ve never spoken to will stop you and say, “are you losing weight?” They’ll tell people “did you see so and so? She’s lost a bunch of weight.” All of a sudden, you’re the center of attention of the office. This is something that you’ve been trying to avoid at all costs. So, you decide to go back to your comfort zone and gain the weight back.

Counterproposal – You’ve worked hard to lose the weight you wanted to lose, so although you may not like being the center of attention, you can look on the bright side of it. You get to meet new people. You can show off the new you with a new weight and a new wardrobe. You can let your personality shine. Perhaps the boss will also notice the new you and give you a raise or promotion. Sometimes being noticed is a good thing.

I hope these ideas help you if you are struggling with a weight loss journey like I am. I want you to be the healthiest you that you can be. You are already fabulous! Good luck!

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